Words of Wisdom (pretty close, anyway)

One of my favorite bloggers is Mrs. G of Derfwad Manor^ (founder of the Women's Colony^) She's witty. She's sharp. She's very funny.

Mrs. G's most recent entry has Kim writing to Mrs. G^, saying that that she has been invited to a bridal shower for a nephew's bride-to-be, and has been given a 3 x 5 card with the following instructions:

"Dear _______,  At this special time, my Bride-to-be advice for you is:  (and then there are five lines to write on).  Best Wishes,"  -- And on the back of the card the hostess (aunt and/or sister of the bride) has written:  "Please bring this card to Barbara's shower.  We'll have some fun!"

Kim asks Mrs. G, who in return asks her readers to give the bride-to-be some advice. After thinking about it, I managed to whittle it down to: 

1. Treat your partner better than you would treat a stranger. If a stranger opened a door for you, you'd say "thank you", right? Why do so many people think their spouses aren't worth of the same (or better) treatment? In addition to day-to-day courtesies, thank him (her) whenever they do something thoughtful or kind. or just because.

Love, kindness, and thoughtfulness are not limited commodities; you can give them away and they will never run out.

2. Go to bed angry rather than fight. Laying in the dark, side by side, drifting off to sleep next to your beloved (even when you are as mad as a wet hen) has a way of taking the heat out of the fire. Also, problems have a way of shrinking down to a manageable size overnight. So, go to sleep angry.

3. Never pass up the chance to tell your partner how proud and happy you are to be his wife (her husband). Never pass up the chance to tell them how grateful you are for his hard work. Never forget why you married this wonderful man (woman).

4. Know the difference between want and need. Needs are things you have to have. Wants are things you'd like to have. Don't make heavy demands on your spouse to fulfill your wants, but do all you can to get your needs met and to meet your partner's needs.

5. Ask what you can do for your partner, then listen carefully to the answer. Show interest in subjects that your spouse is interested in. You don't have to have everything in common, but it's good to have some things to fall back on during times of stress. Just listen.

But Kim asked for five lines, right? Whittled and pared down to the bare bones, I came up with:

1. Treat your spouse with the care & manners you would show strangers.
2. Go to bed angry rather than escalate a fight when you are tired.
3. Tell them how proud & happy you are to be their spouse.
4. Know the difference between what you want & need. Act accordingly.
5. Be a good listener and show interest in their interests.

I can think of other things, but those are the basics. Treat your sweetheart as you'd like to be treated. Treat them better than anyone else. Never let him (her) forget how important they are to you. Always remember why you married him (her).

Namaste

deena

Happy New Year 2011

I'm not sure why, but I find myself looking forward to 2011 with uncharacteristic (for me, anyway) optimism.

vintage ephemera

2010 was overwhelmingly good:

• Our oldest graduated from college. She worked so hard, did so well, and is now plotting her course through graduate school as she holds down a job, and is adjusting to her first home-away-from home. So much for one year, but she has handled it with poise and aplomb. My heart swells with pride when I think of the beautiful young woman she's become.
• Our middle daughter also had a year of many changes. She was accepted into her first choice of universities; she turned 18, and from my perspective, she grew up. Suddenly, my baby is so incredibly mature, introspective, and graceful. She's always been my sunniest child - beautiful, cheerful and pleasant; but now there is something else - she's on the cusp of being a "grown up". My sweetest child is fledging and I could not be prouder of everything she's become. 
• Clementine turned five. In addition to becoming much more self-sufficient, she started preschool, had her tonsils out after a very long illness, grew 5 inches, had her long hair cut into a cute pixie cut, advanced several levels in swim class, and started ballet lessons (which she loves). 
• Dan had a busy, productive year. He took three week-long trips for work (New York, New Jersey and Massachusetts). He spent a week in VMWare training (VM = Virtual Machine), which he really enjoyed, and he'll be taking the exam to be certified in VMWare after the first of the year. Dan went elk and antelope hunting, and brought home a very nice antelope which now graces our freezer.He worked on various projects around the house, spent more time at the gym, and spent a lot of time doing "daddy stuff".
• As for me... I've had a busy year as well; being a wife and a mother is a full-time job.
  I've done some writing (but not nearly enough), and some crafting (not nearly enough). I did a fair bit of knitting (but not nearly enough), and even got around to making Clementine's Halloween costume by hand... which I hope to get around to posting here soon.
  I did some de-cluttering, but got seriously sidetracked when Clementine was so sick (from November 2009 through May, 2010).
  I had surgery at the beginning of December, which was a long time coming, and am starting to feel better.
  
  
  
  vintage ephemera

My resolutions for 2011 are: 

• To be a better wife. I've been consciously working on this during the past year and I hope I've made progress. My husband is the sweetest, kindest, best man in the world and he deserves someone who appreciates him and helps him in every way possible. I strive to be yet more helpful, more supportive, and more appreciative in the new year.
  
• To be a better mom. I need to remind myself to make time for the most important things in life - spending time with my beloved three daughters. They fill my heart with indescribable joy. 
• To be a better home maker. I'd like to make more of our food from scratch, and sew more. Last year I decluttered my kitchen, learned to make yogurt, and started baking from scratch again, this time using gluten-free recipes. I'd like to bake more, and make more of the things and products we use. 
• I'd like to continue to make our home greener, both because it's healthier and because it almost always costs less. Last year I purged the kitchen of nearly every piece of plastic and replaced them with china and Pyrex/Fire King from thrift stores (safer and cheaper than the plastic was when it was new). Glass never melts, doesn't off-gas, and looks so much prettier than plastic.
  This year, I'd like to focus on greener cleaning supplies and to continue buying organic where it matters (The Organic Dirty Dozen - foods which should always be purchased in organic form^) 
• To watch many more awful B-movies with my husband. We cancelled cable last spring, and while the amount of TV viewing in our home went way down overall, we soon began to seek out and watch old B-movies together. But instead of sitting there passively watching TV, we found ourselves talking, laughing, and enjoying ourselves. Movie Night is the highlight of my week now.
• I'd like to work more in clay, knit more often, and craft more. I did pretty well last year, making time for several small projects, but could certainly do more. One of my goals this year is to make as many of the gifts we give during the year as possible.
• I'd like to exercise more, including getting out and hiking. It's a shame to live amongst all this beauty and not spend more time in nature. 
• Immediately return to our 10-a-day decluttering plan, starting January 1st (today!). It works like this: Pick 10 things - however you wish to define "things" - 10 magazines, 10 forks, ten pieces of paper. Ten of one thing  or ten different things. Then, take those ten things, whatever they are, and get rid of them. Give them away, recycle them, thrown them out, donate them, shred them, whatever. Easy, right? Just do ten a day, every day.
• Read more. I don't read enough. Actually, I read a lot, but most of what I read isn't in book form. So, I'd like to focus on reading more books. 
• Recommit to The Compact Movement. The Compact Movement is dedicated to buying less through agreeing to buying new only what you absolutely need (food, medicine, school books, etc.), and trying not to buy anything else for a year (or for whatever period you commit to).
• To appreciate everything I have. Not things, but people and relationships. I'm blessed with loving friends and family, but I don't express how much I love and care for all of these wonderful people as much as I should.

vintage ephemera

With that in mind, I would like to wish you the Happiest of Happy New Years, and thank you so much for reading.

vintage postcard from 1927
Welcome, 2011
The Year of the Rabbit

Namasté

It Turns Out That Ignorance May Not Be As Blissful As We've Been Previously Led To Believe

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,  butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance  accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give  orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem,  pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently,  die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long

After I posted about our family's decision to take part in the June Food Stamp Challenge (^) a couple of days ago, several friends made more or less the same comment, which was "The government should offer classes to food stamp recipients in cooking and shopping". I know what they're saying, and they aren't being snide or uncharitable - they are stating what most of us come to know at some point or another: learning how to be frugal and wise with resources are valuable skills; skills  which can be taught and learned. 

I agree, insofar as I think everyone should take home economics in school.   Everyone.

So... why isn't it mandatory anymore? As far as I know, HomeEc, as it was known back then, is no longer required in most school districts across the United States.At least not in any of the ones I've lived in since then.

When I was in junior high, HomeEc was required in 7th and 8th grade in the school district we lived in in South Carolina. We moved to North Carolina the summer between 8th and 9th grades, and ended up taking it again the next year, too; three entire years of Baked Alaska, Blanc Mange, and hemming skirts.

It shouldn't surprise anyone that I can whip up one heck of a white sauce (^), and have mad apron-making skills.

Back and front view of a woman wearing an apron intended for cooking and  a house cap of the "Dutch bonnet" style. Figure 3 and 4 from "House  Aprons and Caps" by Mary Brooks Picken, published by the Women's  Institute of Domestic Arts & Sciences of Scranton, Pennsylvania,  1922. In the public domain (^)

I'm not sure when, but at some point, it seemed to become much less important to know how to do all the things that allow us to be independent adults. Where once saying you couldn't cook or repair something would have been an admission of fault, it became something of a badge of honor. 

I have more important things to do than cook. 

I can afford to pay someone to fix my car. 

But the truth is, most of us, almost all of us, don't have more important things to do. We won't always have enough money to pay someone to take care of us and being incapable of performing basic tasks quickly becomes paralyzing. 

No one should be ashamed of being a competent, complete individual who want only the best for themselves and their family. It is not demeaning to know how to cook or clean or drive a hammer or change a tire. It should be demeaning to be willfully ignorant. 


Thankfully, the pendulum seems to be swinging back the other way. In the last few years, anyone who has been paying attention can't help but have noticed the renaissance in the "home arts" in the blogosphere and elsewhere. It seems as though everyone is busy knitting, sewing, cooking, canning, and growing stuff. And then writing about it at length. 

This is good, because it turns out that ignorance is a bad thing, not something  to aspire to. Being self-reliant allows us to be strong and independent. Relying  on others for everything weakens us. And it turns out that being unable to perform basic skills hurts the poor and disadvantaged much more than it hurts the wealthy.

Wealthy people can often afford to pay others to mitigate their personal ignorance. The rest of us? Not so much. The less we can afford to pay others, the more important it becomes to learn to do it ourselves.

Which brings us back to classes for food stamp recipients. Yes, I think that people on food stamps should take classes in how to shop and cook.  Everyone should take these classes. Everyone should be afforded the opportunity to be independent as they possibly can be.

Everyone should be able to say that they can care for themselves and their families. We should demand that these skills are taught, or take it upon ourselves to teach them, learning along the way  if need-be. We should refuse to raise another generation who thinks that ignorance of basic skills is somehow preferable to mastery.

I'll leave you with this, a HomeEc film called Buying Food, from around 1950, which teaches the fine art of grocery shopping. It's a bit condescending, but full of helpful information nonetheless. Enjoy.

Namaste.

Food for thought...

I'd love to be able to tell you that I know what we spend on food every month, but I don't, because we don't separate the food portion of receipts out from the total which includes everything from shampoo to dog food to tires for the car. This is about to change, however, because for the entire month of June, we're counting every penny spent on groceries. 

One of my favorite bloggers (and fellow Compactor), Katy Wolk-Stanley at the Non-Consumer Advocate (^), recently announced that she was planning to have a Food Stamp Challenge (^) during the month of June. Participants will try to stay within the budget and guidelines set for the federal food stamp program to feed their families for one month.

Always willing to challenge ourselves, we've decided to give it a try. We started on the 1st and will do our darnedest to make it till the 30th on what we'd be allotted by our state (Colorado) if we used food stamps. Not only are we going to try to stay within the budget, we're going to try to eat as close to "normal" as possible.  

According to what I've read, the amount a family gets in food stamps (officially called SNAP, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (^) in government-speak) varies depending on several factors, including the number of people in the family, the amount of money they make outside the home, and possibly other factors. Women who are pregnant or nursing, infants, and children under the age of five would further qualify for WIC (Women Infants Children). WIC covers dietary basics (^) like milk, juice, cereal, dairy items (eggs & cheese), fruits, veggies, beans and peanut butter. From what I've read, WIC would add another $44.00 to our monthly total since we have a child under the age of five.

Now its time for a little math...

The average monthly food stamp benefit per person is $101.00, which would be $303.00 for the month of June, plus $44.00 from WIC, which would bring our total to $347.00. The maximum amount allowed in our state for three people is $526.00. Adding in $44.00 brings that total to $570.00. Our middle daughter will be here in a few weeks (she's back east at the moment), and I'm not sure how to count her, so for the moment, I'm not going to.

So, somewhere between $347.00 - $570.00 is what a 3-person family would expect to spend on food using food stamps and WIC in the United States. We're going to do everything within our power to keep our spending on the lower end of that range.

As noted above, there are things that food stamps don't cover. They don't cover pet food, toiletries (shampoo, razors), vitamins or medicine. They don't cover hot food. So, you can't go out to eat with them, you can't order in Chinese or pizza, and you can't buy a cooked chicken at the grocery. Alcoholic drinks are not covered.

You can shop at most warehouse clubs (Sam's, Costco), and you can shop at farmer's markets. You can purchase plants which grow food with food stamps, which is nice. Sweets (cookies, ice cream, soda) do seem to be covered.

Food is expensive in our area of the country, and since we try very hard to eat healthily, ours may cost a little more from the get-go. We try to avoid high fructose corn syrup, lots of sugar, and trans-fats. We eat organics wherever possible, especially when it comes to the Dirty Dozen (^). We eat as few canned foods as possible, because cans are often contaminated with Bisphenol-A (^), a potentially dangerous additive. If we purchase sandwich meat, its nitrate and nitrite-free. With children in the house, we always have fresh milk, fruits and veggies. Finally, I eat a gluten-free diet, which can be ridiculously expensive without a lot of advanced planning.

To counteract all of that,  we try to make as many dishes as possible from scratch (for example, Sunday night, we made bagels). We have a membership to Costco, and buy in bulk whenever we can. My husband hunts, which gives us an annual supply of organic meat. Hunting isn't free, once you factor in the cost of the license and processing, but it ends up being much less than we'd pay in the grocery store. I make my own laundry and dish washing detergent, and apply the savings to the rest of our household budget.

Our family is very fortunate. My husband has a great career with an excellent company. We don't live beyond our means, and we have everything we need, including our health and each other. We have thoughtful, kind and intelligent children. We consider ourselves blessed beyond words.

With that in mind, I want to note that this is a choice our family is making to see what we can accomplish in a month - to see if it is possible to feed our family on the money allowed by food stamps, and to do so in a healthy way.

For too many parents, food stamps aren't a choice, but are the main way of feeding their families right now, which is something to think about.

Namaste.

d